I’ve Been Where
You Are Right Now.
Lost. Desperate. Wondering if the person you love is gone for good.
I found a way out — and I built this site to share the map.
Who Is Robert Martin Lees?
My name is Robert Martin Lees. I’m the founder of ChangingTheCycle.com, and for the last 17 years, helping people navigate the most painful moments of their love lives has been my mission — and honestly, my calling.
My earliest memory of love is sitting on my father’s knee at two years old while he told me he was leaving. I didn’t understand it then. But my body did. That feeling — of someone you love disappearing — became the blueprint I carried into every relationship I ever had.
My wife and I spent years on a painful roller-coaster of making up and breaking up. We loved each other completely and hurt each other constantly. The turning point came when I looked at our two daughters and realised — we were teaching them the same broken lessons about love that had been taught to us.
That was the moment everything changed.
Robert Martin Lees is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional. Content on this site is based on personal experience and is for informational purposes only. If you are in crisis, please seek support from a qualified professional.
“The question isn’t just ‘how do I get them back.’ It’s ‘how do I become the person they can’t imagine leaving?’ That journey starts with understanding why the breakup happened on a deeper level.”
— Robert Martin Lees, ChangingTheCycle.com
What “Breaking The Cycle” Actually Means
Most relationship advice focuses on tactics — what to text, what to say, how to act. I tried all of it. It made things worse. Real change starts with understanding the cycle you’re in. Not the argument you had last Tuesday. The pattern that’s been running since childhood, quietly shaping every relationship you’ve ever had.
Love Is a Command
You don’t wait for love to arrive. You choose it, build it, and protect it through your actions every single day. Stop being a passenger in your own love life.
Clear The Roller-Coaster
The ups and downs aren’t the problem. The rocks of resentment, blame, and unresolved patterns left on the track are. The goal is to clear them — not abandon the ride.
Self-Reflection, Not Self-Blame
Looking inward isn’t about punishing yourself. It’s about reclaiming the only thing you actually control — you. That’s where all real change begins.
The Anatomy of Your Relationship Roller-Coaster
Every couple stuck in a painful cycle is running the same track. Here’s what it actually looks like — and where the rocks are hiding.
Three Sites. One Mission.
ChangingTheCycle.com is the foundation — where we do the deep work of understanding why your relationships keep breaking down. But the journey doesn’t stop here.
STEP 1
Understand The Cycle
Identify the inherited patterns driving your pain. This is where the real work begins — and where most people never look.
STEP 2
Reconnect With Your Ex
Tactical, grounded guidance for the raw, urgent pain of a breakup. Your emergency field guide when you need answers now.
STEP 3
Build a Love Worth Living
Once you’ve done the hard work, learn how to build real intimacy, passion, and a relationship that lasts.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Robert Martin Lees?
Robert Martin Lees is a relationship author and cycle-breaking coach with 17+ years of experience helping people navigate breakups, separation, and failing marriages. He is the founder of ChangingTheCycle.com, MakingUpMagic.info, and LessonsToLove.info.
Is Robert Martin Lees a licensed therapist?
No. Robert is not a licensed therapist or counsellor. He is a survivor, author, and coach who shares his own experience and research. If you are in crisis, please also seek support from a qualified mental health professional.
What is the “Breaking The Cycle” philosophy?
It’s the recognition that most relationship pain comes from unconsciously repeating patterns learned in childhood. Breaking the cycle means identifying those patterns, taking radical ownership of your role, and choosing differently — not just in this relationship, but in every one that follows.
Is ChangingTheCycle.com legit?
Yes. The site has been active since 2008 and is built on Robert’s personal experience of saving his own marriage after years of painful cycles, combined with 17 years of research, reader feedback, and real-world results.
Where do I start?
Start with Robert’s personal story — the raw, honest account of how he nearly lost everything and what he discovered on the other side. It’s the foundation of everything on this site.